Self Guided Sessions at Home or Anywhere

Recommended for Safe Harboring with your Partner

A safe space, a two minute timer and safe water.

Setup

The Safe Harbor Method™ can be done in most places. For optimum results, we recommend:

  • Locate a time and place that works for both of you. If you cannot agree, reschedule. This is a mutual exercise.

  • Bring a timer.

  • Try to create an environment that is quiet and private.

  • Start with 30 seconds of silence

  • Agree to the 3 rules.

Remember, you are steering a boat. Safe Harboring can be done anywhere, but it is important that you have quiet, calm and privacy.

How?

Alternate sharing and listening with each other in 2 minute sessions with a timer.

Set Up:

  • Find a quiet place where you will not be interrupted.

  • Turn off your phones, if possible.

  • Set up your timer - phone or sand timer.

  • Agree to follow the 3 Rules.

  • Agree to a time limit for the meeting.

When is it your time to share?

  • Start the timer and begin.

  • Stop when your time is over.

  • Switch to the other person to share.

  • Stop and reschedule if you need more time.

Suggestions:

  • Use “I Statements".

  • You may want to try sharing your Observations, Feelings, Needs and Requests.

  • Pause or reschedule if you need more time.

When it is your time to listen:

  • Do not interrupt your partner.

  • Offer undivided attention. Your body language will reveal how well you are listening.

  • We can acknowledge each other’s feelings without agreeing.

  • Actively listen without judgement.

When the meeting is over:

  • Create some space to digest what you just heard.

We create community in tiny chunks

Practice Questions

Take turns asking and answering any of these questions when practicing The Safe Harbor Method™:

  • What is on your mind?

  • What have you liked most about today?

  • What's important about today for you?

  • What makes you more happy?

    • Receiving Gifts?

    • Words of Affirmation?

    • Acts of Service?

    • Quality Time?

  • What makes you sad?

  • What are you looking forward to tomorrow?

  • For what in you life do you feel most grateful?

  • What do you value most in a friendship?

  • What do you value most in OUR relationship?

  • What was this process like for you?

Questioning and answering only truly works with the safety of calm water. To prevent interruptions it is imperative that you use the two minute timer while answering.

The Three Rules

Stop

If either person feels the conversation is getting too heated, you must stop. You can say something like: “I need to take a break.” or “I’m starting to get overheated, let’s take a break.” This is the most important step in creating the safety needed for a deeper connection with each other. Each person must respect the STOP.

Take a Break

After the STOP, get up and leave the room to cool down so you can come back and listen. Start with 10 minutes. Take 10 deep breathes. Then ask yourself four questions:

  1. What am I feeling?

  2. What do I want?

  3. What do I think the other person is feeling?

  4. What do I think they are wanting?

Then, return on time to continue sharing or plan for more time.

Return to Listen

Use a 2 minute timer and don’t interrupt. You must use the 2 minute timer and you must not interrupt. Both are critical. If you’re not using both of these….no safe harbor.

Need a Guide?

Listening is Loving